A word for the waiting
Question:
Hey Tanner! Any words you’ve got on waiting? Going through some health things that I’ve been waiting for answers on and it’s driving me crazy. Thanks so much!
Response:
I have plenty of words for the waiting, but I’m not sure I have the right words.
You see, I am terrible at waiting.
I am impatient and stubborn and am quick to forget all of the things I share in this post.
I am always looking for short-cuts or ways to speed up, but there are none.
All we can do is endure.
When it comes to waiting, no one is absent or excluded.
You won’t find a person who isn’t waiting for something.
Waiting for something to begin.
Waiting for something to end.
Waiting for something to go right.
Waiting for something to go wrong.
Waiting for an answer
or surprise
or change
or ________.
Waiting is another reminder that I am not in control.
No matter what I do I cannot change the way certain situations are.
I cannot fix what is broken.
I cannot change what is wrong.
I cannot speed up traffic or skip to the front of the line.
I cannot magically change my health or the choice of another person.
I cannot be where I want to be.
I can only be right where I am.
When seasons of waiting arrive they don’t come alone. They pack their bags because they know they’ll be staying a while. With it they bring fear and insecurity and questions and comparison and unwelcome advice.
People are great at saying things they don’t need to say.
I know this because I am one of those people.
Years ago, while having coffee with a friend, I gave the most unhelpful response in the history of responses.
He had recently been broken up with and was wrestling with the pain and loss of the relationship.
He told me he was tired of hurting and waiting and was ready to be married.
I didn’t know how to respond, which means I probably shouldn’t have, but went on to say to them, “Well, it could be worse.”
It could be worse is a terrible response.
Save that to your brain.
It could be worse is a terrible response.
On the helpful scale from 1 to 10 it is a big fat 0.
This is not a helpful or honoring or loving response.
What I should have said is, “That’s heavy. What you are going through seems incredibly hard. I’m with you.”
Because waiting is heavy and hard.
There is nothing easy about it.
Especially when you feel stuck or behind or alone.
Especially when joy feels far and insecurity draws close.
Especially when you feel like life is getting away from you.
Especially when you see others receive the answer to the prayers you have been praying.
While in seasons of waiting people have been quick to tell me God’s timing is perfect, and I believe them, but that doesn’t make waiting any easier.
The weight of waiting isn’t lifted with a single sentence or reminder of truth.
Through the years I’ve come to believe that waiting is not a punishment, but it is an invitation to keep trusting.
Keep trusting that good is on the way and that God’s timing truly is perfect.
Keep trusting that we have not been forgotten and that we are not behind.
Keep trusting that something more is happening than we can see, because something more is happening than we can see.
We were not created to know what the future holds, but we have been invited to trust in the One who holds the future.
I cannot tell you how to wait, but I can remind you that you are not alone in your waiting.
Although waiting brings with it fear and insecurity and questions and comparison and unwelcome advice, don’t let this be the only guests that make it through the door.
As you wait, make room.
Make room for peace.
Make room for joy.
Make room for celebration.
Make room for those who love you.
Make room for trust.
Make room for worship.
Make room for truth.
Make room for hope.
Waiting with you,
Tanner
Before you go . . .
Here is a poem titled, Waiting. Wandering. Wondering.
It’s found in my book, Walk A Little Slower.
I am beginning to wonder if You can hear me.
I have whispered and yelled and sat silent and everything in between.
I have flipped flopped my thumbs, left over right, right over left, thinking maybe if my hands were folded the right way You would hear what I have been trying to say.
I have closed my eyes and thought so tight I could feel the veins in my face become visible.
I have confessed at stop lights, cried out in the middle of sleepless nights, and have wrestled spite with all my might.
And nothing feels quite right.
Like it says, I have prayed without ceasing and my hands are sore from releasing.
Or at least they have tried.
If my thoughts are prayers, I cannot stop praying.
I have been wandering around in the waiting
hopefully anticipating, but I am still here wondering.
And waiting.
And hopefully anticipating for Your answer to arrive.
Except for the other day.
We didn’t talk or at least I didn’t talk to You.
I didn’t want to.
It wasn’t because I was angry, although I was.
And You knew that.
And it wasn’t because I was worried, although I was.
And You knew that, too.
I was scared.
I am scared.
Scared of the potential what if and what now, the constant questioning of why and how.
Terrified of deconstructing dreams and resetting reality.
Fearful of failing to be faithful through the fire.
And I am tired.
Life was much easier when I was a young boy,
but now that I am older,
I am struggling to see through the pain and uncertainty with hope and joy.
But through it all, somehow, some way, You are working beauty together with my waiting.
Intertwining peace with patience; time with grace.
Sitting by my side in this unsettled space.
Today, I pray, as I wait and wonder if You will keep me from going under.
May I remain hopeful.
May I remain patient.
May I remain ready.
And may You give me the faith to wait and wonder.
Your way is for the better even if it is taking forever.
About the Author
Tanner Olson is an author, poet, speaker, and podcaster living in Nashville, Tennessee.
He is the author of I’m All Over the Place, As You Go, Walk A Little Slower, and Continue: Poems and Prayers of Hope.
You can find Tanner Olson’s books on Amazon.
His podcast is The Walk A Little Slower Podcast with Tanner Olson and can be found wherever you listen to podcasts.
Tanner Olson travels around the country sharing poetry, telling stories, and delivering messages of hope.
You can follow Tanner Olson on Instagram (@writtentospeak) and Facebook where you’ll daily find encouraging words of faith and hope.
Tanner Olson wearing a Written to Wear t-shirt. grab one here: writtentowear.com