The Truth I Tell Myself
The Truth I Tell Myself
by Tanner Olson
writtentospeak.com
I haven’t been writing as much lately.
I have wanted to, but the words have been buried.
I’ve done everything to uncover them.
Shovels.
Chisels.
Wooden Serving spoons.
Prayer.
Dynamite.
But they’ve remained hidden.
I tell myself that this isn’t a season for writing, but for reading and reflecting and trusting.
I know, it’s always a season for trusting.
The world around me is moving a bit faster these days.
Everyone is moving onto the next thing and I’m still holding to what I have.
My hands are starting to look the way my father’s hands did when I was a boy.
Weathered with lines that criss cross left to right and north to south.
It looks like a city grid that’s always under construction.
I tend to forget that I am also under construction.
I am changing and changing and changing.
But I’m also trying to celebrate and change.
I’m not looking for a gold star, unless you have one, but I’ve been doing my best to slow down and look up and thank God.
But I have self-diagnosed ADHD and before saying amen I turn my head to see what’s happening over there.
Something is always happening over there.
The internet tells me that everyone is doing better than me, but that’s just another lie.
There are a few lies I still believe about myself.
Maybe you believe a few about yourself, too.
Most of these lies were given to me from the mouths of my middle school classmates.
Middle schoolers can be cruel.
Sometimes I think we are all just middle schoolers stuck in adult bodies.
Nothing is faster than the mouth of a middle school student, especially when it wants to attack.
One day I’ll tell you the story about how I was once called a fat chipmunk.
Yeah.
A fat chipmunk.
I cried myself to sleep that night as I asked God to change me.
But that’s all I’ll say about that for now.
Except for I remember wanting to punch the boy who called me a fat chipmunk.
My fingers curled into a ball as my knuckles turned white.
I imagined my fist meeting his eye like a car crash.
But I didn’t throw a punch.
I uncurled my fingers and put my PB&J back in my lunchbox and sat in silence.
I’m not much of a fighter, but I do know that the best way to fight a lie is to offer it a truth in return.
Lies hate the truth, just like the truth hates the lies.
They have a terrible relationship.
Not even counseling can help them.
In the quiet of my office you’ll hear me whisper lines of truth to myself.
I’ll speak out loud reminders, and Scripture passages, and words and phrases I’ve shared with you before.
I need to speak them out loud because I need to hear them.
Thinking what is true is powerful, but hearing what is true is like being hugged by the Hulk.
It squeezes the lies right out of you.
Grace is for you.
Good is on the way.
Life is not a race and you are not behind.
God’s way doesn’t look like your way and that’s okay.
Hope doesn’t let the story end.
Let mercy meet the madness.
Keep trusting the truth.
That’s where I am today.
I’m talking to myself in my office, fighting the lies with the truth.
I’m turning on the lights and watching the darkness leave.
I’m taking a deep breath and another step forward.
And wouldn’t you believe it, I found a few words.
With hope,
Tanner Olson
@writtentospeak
About the Author
Tanner Olson is an author, poet, speaker, and podcaster living in Nashville, Tennessee.
He is the author of I’m All Over the Place, As You Go, Walk A Little Slower, and Continue: Poems and Prayers of Hope.
You can find Tanner Olson’s books on Amazon.
His podcast is The Walk A Little Slower Podcast with Tanner Olson and can be found wherever you listen to podcasts.
Tanner Olson travels around the country sharing poetry, telling stories, and delivering messages of hope.
You can follow Tanner Olson on Instagram (@writtentospeak) and Facebook where you’ll daily find encouraging words of faith and hope.
Tanner Olson wearing a Written to Wear t-shirt. grab one here: writtentowear.com
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