trust

Welcome to March. At the start of 2020 I wrote a blog titled, ‘12 Words for 12 Months.’

Instead of choosing one word for the entire year, I decided to pick one word for each month.

January’s word was rest.

February’s word was continue.

The word for March is trust. 

.. .. .. 

There are many things that I am good at that I wish I was bad at.

I am good at not following instructions.

I am good at judging someone who believes in something I don’t.

And I am good at worrying. But today, I am not going to worry. 

At least that’s what I keep telling myself. 

I won't worry about this flannel, black pants, boot combo and wonder if it's hip enough.

I won't worry if I'm original or a pretender, a Gryffindor or Hufflepuff.

I won't worry about likes or favorites or internet popularity or when life will find clarity.

I won't worry about our differences or live trying to fit myself into a certain stereotype.

I won't worry about who you think I should be, because I'm just trying to be who I was created to be.

And I won't worry about what's next or what's been left behind.

I won't worry about what the wind says when it howls or the whispers of broken eye contact.

I won't worry about the money that isn't under my name, but I'll live with love as my aim.

And I won't worry about the dreams that keep the darkness close or the glitter that's somewhere in this room, because I know it is.

That stuff is everywhere.

It is always everywhere. 

Worry fogs perspective and denies the light from breaking through.

It dims the beauty of hope and the joy of being alive.

Worry feels like a disease coursing through my body as it cripples my walk and trips up my talk.

Worry succeeds as it closes up my heart as it converts me to believe freedom was never meant to be found.

But freedom was meant to be found.

It was. 

Today, I'm not going to worry.

I won't worry about the flowers of the field or the birds of the air, the shape of my stomach or the grey in my hair.

And I won't worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow hasn't arrived.

And I won't worry about the meaning of life or if I'm getting it wrong or right.

Today is here.

And it’s good to be here. 

And I want to stay here. 

And I want to believe trust is greater than worry.

Today, I will trust.

I will trust everything is alright.

I will trust and respond with the beauty of hope. 

I will cling to what I know, remain open to grow, and let love be shown.

I'm not going to worry about today.

I will trust.
Through wonder.
Through fear.
Through questions.
Through tears.
Through it all. 
I will trust.

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