Remain
It seems like I was just sitting down to write April’s post.
Where did April go?
Where did the past 40 days go?
For me, the days have dragged on, but the month flew by. Maybe you feel the same.
Or maybe you feel like every day has felt like a month, and every passing month feels like a year.
Either way, May has found us.
And most certainly May has found us changed by April.
When the quarantine began, I saw several blog posts and messages circulating on how we can make the most of this time.
Many encouraged goal setting, creating helpful schedules, and developing mindful rhythms.
Usually, I would have been all over this.
And at first, I was.
Accomplishing goals and checking things off the list is what I live for.
But right now, I’m exhausted.
Exhausted.
There have been days this month where I felt like a caged animal.
Other days, I felt like a bear in hibernation or a sloth trying to make it to tomorrow.
Never a Cheetah.
I’m trying to find energy and freedom and a way to not gain weight.
I’m trying to find creative outlets and new shows on Netflix and something concrete to hold onto.
I’m trying to find my place in the uncertainty and a good word for the doubt creeping inside.
I’m trying to … remain.
And that’s the word for May.
The word I wrote down in December of 2019, not knowing what this month would bring.
We are five months into the year, but it feels like the year has been put on hold.
But I’ll remain.
I’ll remain because this isn’t the end.
I’ll remain because there is still a lot of life left to live.
I’ll remain because, even though everything is heavy and uncertain, I want to see it through.
Remain.
With hope,
Tanner Olson
Written to Speak
Listen to the poem Hope Remains
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