whatever this is
and whatever may be
may it only and always
be for Thee

. . . . .

I’m 29 and learning to pray.
Again.
It’s almost as if I am always learning how to pray.
I grew up in a Christian home and have prayed for as long as I can remember.
Hands folded.
Left thumb over right.

Not right thumb over left.

Head bowed.
Eyes closed.
Well, mostly closed.

For as long as I can remember my prayers have started with

Dear God . . .

I always think it’s funny that we begin our prayers like we are writing God a letter.
It’s funny, but also beautiful.

And immediately following Dear God comes

Thank you . . .

A faith-filled exhale.
I can’t help but say thank you.

Some days it’s hard to utter those two words.
Sometimes it’s hard to believe, but when I pause, I can’t help but be thankful.

Dear God,
Thank you . . .

The way and words of my prayers have changed drastically in the past year.
These days I spend less time rambling in circles, praying for the same six things the same way just in a different order.
Perhaps, I’ve become mesmerized but the mind blowing truth that He hears our prayers.
That the God of the universe, the Creator of the stars, the One who designed lions and otters, He hears us.

That is who I am speaking with.

Who am i to speak with God?

These days I spend my time sitting in awe and silence.
Every now and again I’ll say something.
Someone’s name. A situation. A worry. A wonder.
I’ll ask a question or 4.

God, what are you up to? Can I join?
God, will you do it?

A few words say more and I am learning the power of silence and the beauty of listening.

As a kid I was taught that prayer is a conversation between us and God, but for so long I was the only one speaking.
Or so I thought.
But now I am sitting with the silence and listening.

Sometimes I’ll have my hands folded.
Sometimes it’s even left thumb over right.
Sometimes I’ll bow my head and close my eyes.

But my mouth, for the most part, is closed.

With the loudness of the silence I have found myself rejoicing in the reflection.
I sit with the wonder of who God is and rejoice in the grace that meets my repentance.
And I can’t help but rejoice as I remain with the One who designed lions and otters.
And when I speak

Dear God,

whatever this is
and whatever may be
may it only and always
be for the One who has set me free.

Thank you.

whatever this is
and whatever may be
may it only and always
be for Thee.