It’s 3 PM on a Wednesday.

Sarah and Judah are home with Pancake. 

I’m a few miles down the road at a coffee shop, but it feels like I’m in another state.

I’ll be heading home soon.

I just texted those five words to Sarah.

I’ll come home ready to change a diaper or finish a load of laundry or heat up leftovers in the microwave.

I am great at heating up leftovers in the microwave.

But for now, I’ve got to get some work done, so that when I do get home, I am home.

At the coffee shop everyone has been asking how things are going and the best answer I can give is a smile.

I am thankful.

They ask if I am tired and I know they can see the bags under my eyes.

I crack another smile and tell them I am.

I am not mad about the amount of sleep we are getting.

Sometimes the bags under our eyes are a sign that God has answered our prayer.

Sometimes it’s a sign He hasn’t.

I’ve carried those heavy bags before.

Today, I am wonderfully exhausted.

Just like I was yesterday.

And the days before.

And probably tomorrow, too. 

Most days I don’t have the words to thank God for Judah.

I find myself looking up to the clouds and smiling, nodding to God the way you do when the waiter asks if you’d like chips and queso.

I like to think God nods back at me. 

For what it’s worth, I don’t think God is only in the clouds.

It’s a strange thing to think about where God is.

It’s almost easier to think about where God isn’t.

I don’t have an answer for that either.

All I know is that God is and I am His and He sees me when I nod and He nods back and I’ll be heading home soon. 

About the Author

Tanner Olson is an author, poet, speaker, and podcaster living in Nashville, Tennessee.

He is the author of I’m All Over the Place, As You Go, Walk A Little Slower, and Continue: Poems and Prayers of Hope.

You can find Tanner Olson’s books on Amazon.

His podcast is The Walk A Little Slower Podcast with Tanner Olson and can be found wherever you listen to podcasts.

Tanner Olson travels around the country sharing poetry, telling stories, and delivering messages of hope.

You can follow Tanner Olson on Instagram (@writtentospeak) and Facebook where you’ll daily find encouraging words of faith and hope.